Trust is a very scary thing to give somebody, especially if you’ve been hurt before. As scary as it may be, it is absolutely necessary if you want a happy, long-lasting relationship. If you can’t eventually learn to trust your boyfriend, then you’re probably not with the guy who is meant for you. Trust takes a long time to build from the start, and even longer to rebuild after you’ve been betrayed, but it is possible in most cases. With a lot of patience and determination you CAN learn to trust your boyfriend completely by following the 10 steps below.
Have open communication
If you have trust issues due to your past, or if your current boyfriend has done something to betray your trust, then just be honest with him. Regardless of your reason, a long, honest conversation with him can be a big help. When you’re having this conversation, it might be really painful, but allowing yourself to face those issues and lay them out in front of you and your boyfriend can be freeing.
It’s also important to have as many conversations as possible and keep the communication open throughout your relationship, but remember that there’s always an appropriate time and place.
Encourage his independence
When you have trust issues it can be tough to watch your boyfriend head out for a night with the guys, pack for a work trip, or even go several hours without communication. It is so nerve-wracking to constantly wonder what he’s doing, who he’s talking to, who might be in his presence, or when he’ll call next. Lacking trust in a relationship is freaking exhausting.
In order to get over this issue, you’re going to need to go through some tough times. Encourage him to go out with his friends, go visit his family, or go play basketball if that’s what he loves. Over time you’ll grow more comfortable with him having his independence without that fear in the back of your mind.
While encouraging his independence, it’s important to find your own as well. I always find that I’m more comfortable with my boyfriend’s absence when I keep myself busy. Do anything you can to keep your mind off him and his whereabouts.
Let go of control
This is a piece of advice I’ve received over and over again in my own relationship. The only thing you can do when it comes to trust is quit trying to maintain control of your partner and simply have faith. If you try to compensate for your trust issues by smothering your partner with control, it won’t end well for anybody. Allow your partner to prove your trust issues wrong.
Build trust together
Remember that you shouldn’t have to build trust in your relationship on your own. You and your partner should be working together because it takes two people. Have those honest conversations and stay faithful and loyal to each other. By creating a strong bond the trust will become more natural for you over time.
Just because you have trust issues, does not mean that your partner is guilty of anything so keep that in mind! When your trust issues begin to act up, put yourself in your partner’s shoes. For example, your partner is meeting up with some friends after work and you have a million fears running through your head; what if a guy tries to flirt with her? Will he drink too much and cheat? Do you flirt and cheat when you meet up with friends? Of course not. You’re innocently hanging out with your friends so remember that that’s all your partner is doing too!
Learn to forgive
Gaining trust requires forgiving people from your past, your current partner, and yourself. Everyone makes mistakes (both big and small), so practice forgiveness for the sake of your relationship and your own happiness.
(Read How To Forgive Your Partner)
Think positively and rationally
Quit constantly thinking about the worst case scenarios and creating stories in your head. That’ll only make your trust issues worse for no reason. If you create scenarios in your head, then essentially you’re creating trust issues that never existed in the first place. Instead, think about the best case scenarios and remember to always be as rational as possible with your thoughts.
Seek professional help
If nothing else seems to be working and if your trust issues are truly having a damaging effect on your relationships, then it’s time to seek professional help. Remember that there is absolutely nothing wrong with attending therapy/counseling and it can make a world of difference if you choose to. In fact, I’m even seeing a therapist for my own severe trust issues that have had a negative effect on my relationships. It was a hard choice for me to finally make, but I knew that if I ever wanted a happy, healthy, long-lasting relationship, that would be a step I’d have to take.
Take it one day at a time
One of my mottos now is “one day at a time.” When you have trust issues, it’s easy to think about the past and worry about the future, but by allowing yourself to open up to those concerns, you’re just feeding your trust issues everything they need to help them grow. Instead, squash them with confidence and faith. Remember only to concern yourself with what is happening in the moment. Everything else can wait.