Anal Sex: Tips For Beginners

For most, anal sex is a pretty adventurous thing to try in bed. Just the thought of it can seem impossible, painful, and very pornstarish… but it’s really not. I used to think about it the same way until I finally decided to just give it a try. It took some time, but I finally realized that it’s a lot more common than you may think. It’s also a lot more enjoyable… If you’re interested in giving anal a try, but you’re still on the edge about it, check out my advice below to see if it might be for you. 

*Keep in mind that this is all from my own personal experience. I am by no means a doctor, so if you’re looking for serious medical advice, please ask a professional*

Start small

Jumping onto the butt-play train can be very nerve-wracking so always start out small and slow. There is absolutely no time limit when it comes to anal. You can go through all the stages in one session, or work your way up over a month if you need to. 

Have him start small by using his finger so you can get used to the different sensations you’re going to be experiencing. You can use fingers, sex toys designed for anal, and then work your way up to the penis. 

Only do it with someone you trust

Trust and comfort are two extremely important factors in anal sex. If you don’t trust him wholeheartedly, then do not attempt anal sex with him. Anal can bring pain and discomfort physically and it can also make you feel very emotionally vulnerable. You should be with a trustworthy, patient man who knows the importance of making sure you’re comfortable through it all, regardless of the pleasure he may be feeling. 


NEVER allow him to go in dry

Lube is always highly recommended during anal sex, but from my experience a whole lotta spit will give you the same effect. But remember, that may not be the case for everybody. That is just from my personal experience. Do what feels best to you, but just never allow him to go in dry. That will be extremely painful for both for you and can actually cause physical harm. 

And I know spit may seem a little gross at first, but let’s be honest, you probably just swapped spit making out and he’s about to go up your asshole. At this point, “gross” is just off the table. 

Relax your entire body

One of the best things I learned is to literally relax your entire body. In order to keep myself from tensing up, I allow my body to go completely limp while I take slow, deep breaths. Relaxing your entire body will allow your anal muscles to relax making the progression easier and more comfortable. 

Pick the position that feels right to you

Some of the most common positions for anal are missionary, doggy, and laying flat on your stomach. In this position, I like to place a pillow beneath my pelvis to push by butt up a little more. I don’t know how many other people might enjoy this, but I also enjoy laying on my side during anal. It’s comfortable for me, but it might not be for. Experiment with different positions until you find one that you like best. 

Yes, it’s going to be uncomfortable

I’ve read that anal should never be painful, but personally, I disagree. In the beginning, even with lube and slow movements, it is going to hurt. If it’s God-awful, unbearable pain then something is definitely wrong and you should stop immediately, but a little pain is normal in the beginning. You’re inserting a large object up an area that is biologically meant to be an “exit only,” so yes, pain comes along with it. But, if you continue to practice and learn what works best for you and your partner, over time the pain will move to discomfort, and finally, you’ll realize just how pleasurable it can be. Just remember to be patient. 

No, you’re not pooping all over

If you kind of felt like you needed to poop during your dinner date, tonight would not be the night to attempt anal. When attempting anal, just use common sense! If you’re feeling cleared out, you should be good to go, so don’t allow your body to trick you into thinking you’re pooping, because it really does feel like it. Eventually that feeling wears off and you’ll quickly be able to differentiate between the two. Just go slow and really allow yourself to feel every sensation as you experience them. 

Now, let me also add, that if you do find a little feces when it’s over, it’s nothing to worry about or be embarrassed about. This is one of the other reasons being with someone you trust is key. If it happens, don’t deny or ignore it. Be open about it, get cleaned up, and move on. When I discussed these concerns with my own boyfriend he said, “baby, it’s just me. It’s a natural function. It’s not a big deal and you know it stays just between us.”

Communicate through it

Communicating through anal is very important. Let him know how it’s feeling and guide him with your words. Tell him if you need him to pause for a second to allow you to take deep breaths and get more comfortable. Pausing when necessary is crucial to being comfortable in the beginning. Let him know when he can inch in a little farther and tell him when it’s actually starting to feel really good. He needs to know these things so he’ll be able to respond accordingly. 

Don’t be afraid to say “no” or “stop”

There are nights that my boyfriend has asked for anal during sex and I’ve turned him down and there is nothing wrong with that. He knows I still love him and I enjoy it, but there are nights that I’m just not feeling up to it. There are also nights where we attempt it, but I just can’t seem to relax enough or it may be feeling more uncomfortable than usual so I tell him that I need to stop. 

You should never, ever be pressured into performing any sexual act if you’re not comfortable. The man you choose to do this with should be perfectly okay with performing anal on your schedule. 

If you don’t like it, then stop

Anal is not for everybody, period. There’s nothing wrong with experimenting in the bedroom, but if you find that you just cannot seem to enjoy yourself during anal, then stop and never do it again. Never force yourself to do something because you feel that you have to because “everyone” else is, or because your man really wants it. If you do not like, do not do it. Simple as that. 

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