Catching your man take an extra glance at that beautiful girl that just walked by in the grocery store, watching his eyes linger on the hot actress’ body in the movie theater, or overhearing his buddies talk about all of those sexy girls that were at the sports bar the other night can be painful. Either you’ve caught your man, or you just know deep down… he was definitely checking her out. The fact that he really liked what he saw (especially when it wasn’t you) is hard to swallow. All of these things can cause feelings of anxiety, insecurity, jealousy, anger, and hurt. It can make your insecurities run absolutely wild, and I completely understand.
My boyfriend and I work together, so this is something I’ve experienced quite often. There are women that come into our building that I see and right off the bat, I think “he’s gonna love that…” Overcoming the insecurities and jealousy that this caused was very, very hard to do and at times I still struggle. Even if he wasn’t around, I’d see the girl and immediately wonder what’s going to run through his mind if he sees her. Will he regret choosing me? Will he just start thinking about everything that’s wrong with my body? Will he wish I looked like her?
If you don’t have a whole lot of confidence and if your self-esteem isn’t that great, these worries can really take a toll on you and your relationship, especially if they lead to severe jealousy. So here are 9 tips for how to handle your man looking at other women.
The first thing you’re probably going to do is immediately start assuming, just like I mentioned above. You’re going to assume that this must mean that your boyfriend no longer finds you attractive, he wishes you had a better body, or he doesn’t love you the way he claims to. Assumptions only make matters worse, especially if you’re already insecure, so loosen up, quit assuming, and look at the facts. I’m sure even you’ll agree that the girl who just walked by really did have a great ass. But who cares!? Yours is the only that he’s touching!
Remember that all men do it
Seriously. Single men, married men, players, young men, old men, engaged men. ALL men look. It’s in their nature. Don’t ever feel bad about yourself just because he looks at another woman or finds Beyonce super sexy. It is in our nature as humans (yes, women too) to notice attractive features, but remember, he’s simply noticing her physicality. His looking has absolutely nothing to do with feelings. He may think she’s hot, but you’re the one he finds beautiful and that he’s madly in love with you, not her.
Put yourself in his shoes
Do you still find other men attractive? Have you caught yourself looking at that muscular hottie in the checkout line? Of course you have! You’re human! You’re allowed to find other people attractive. But think about the last time you caught yourself looking, whether your man was there or not. Did you wish he was yours? Did you love your boyfriend any less because of it? I guarantee that you did not. If you did, this article is not the one for you.
Girls, let me tell you… I’ve got a couple tattooed firemen who come into my workplace and all the ladies look, including me. I’ll totally admit that I look and yes, I find them attractive. But look at it this way; do I want to know them/be with them/have sex with them, etc? NO. Would I ever consider giving up my boyfriend, the love of my life, to have a sexy night with them? NO. Remember, your man is the same way. He might think something looks good, but at the end of the day, you’re the one he wants.
Don’t cause a scene
If you do happen to catch him glance at a woman while you’re out to dinner, grocery shopping, or waiting in line at the bank, do NOT cause a scene. I know it’s tempting, especially if you’re suddenly running rampant with emotions, but chill the fuck out. Making a scene will only make him and every innocent bystander uncomfortable, and I guarantee it will cause a much bigger argument than you expected, especially if he feels attacked.
Instead, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and walk away from him, if necessary. Once you’re alone, have a calm conversation about it if you need to.
Stop making it all about you
You’ll notice that all of the questions I mentioned that I would ask myself in the introduction above revolved around me, my relationship with my boyfriend, and his feelings towards me. Notice a pattern here? ME, ME, ME!!! This is one of the best tips I can give you; stop making it all about you. Your boyfriend finding another woman attractive or noticing that she has a nice ass has absolutely nothing to do with you, your relationship, or his feelings towards you. It’s a fleeting glance that means absolutely nothing.
Stop comparing yourself
Please stop comparing yourself to every other woman that is standing within a mile radius of your boyfriend! This is a terrible habit that I had to push myself to break. It was tough because I never realized that I did it until it really started upsetting my boyfriend and he pointed it out.
For example, I would question if he wanted that girl he was talking to more than he wanted me, or I would wonder if he wished my ass looked more like that girl that just walked by in the yoga pants. Sometimes I would wonder out loud or discuss my fears with my boyfriend later on and he pointed out that by asking myself these questions, I was comparing my personality, my body, and my looks to all these other women that I viewed as threats. I realized that he was completely right. My boyfriend asked me to please stop comparing myself to other women because he never once compared me. He said he never has, simply because no one else can compare to me in his eyes. I give him a feeling of happiness that nobody else (including the girl with the nice ass) can give him.
If your man is with you, then I guarantee that he feels the same exact way. He doesn’t compare you, so stop comparing yourself.
Have an honest conversation about it with your boyfriend
My boyfriend and I have sat down and had plenty of conversations about each of us looking at other people and what it means to each of us. That’s how we came about the conversation about my habit of comparing myself to other women. I guarantee that if you sit down and have a calm and honest talk with your boyfriend it will really open your eyes and you’ll find it reassuring.
The first time my boyfriend and I talked about the topic he admitted flat out that he looks at attractive women and that it’s just natural. He doesn’t even realize he’s doing it until he’s already looking, but it truly means nothing. He’s admiring something from a distance, but wouldn’t give his life with me up for any of it.
Never allow him to be disrespectful
While it’s perfectly normal and healthy for him to look at another women, he MUST be respectful about it. I personally, have never actually caught my boyfriend looking. He admitted that he tries very, very hard to be discrete when I’m around because he knows that my anxiety and insecurities run very deep and he doesn’t want a fleeting look to damage that any further.
If your man is blatantly ogling another women, whether you’re there or not, it’s wrong. If he’s making crude comments to you about these women, that needs to end right away. He should never be making you feel uncomfortable, unattractive, or unworthy. If he does, it’s time to walk away.
Look at the positive side
Just think about the positive things! Yes, he thinks she’s attractive. Yes, you can see her huge boobs right through her sheer blouse. Yes, those yoga pants make her ass look incredible. Yes, she may have what most women would consider the “perfect body.” While all of those things might be true, he still chose you. He finds you absolutely stunning, flaws and all. The only ass he’ll be touching at the end of the day is yours because that’s the only one he wants. If he wanted somebody else’s he’d dump you and go get it, but he hasn’t. Remember that those women get his eyes on them for about 5 seconds, but you… you get his hand in yours. You get his kisses, and you get to hear his dumb jokes, and you get to listen to him sing his favorite songs. You get to learn his deepest fears and his greatest desires. They get his eyes for 5 seconds, but you get his love for a lifetime.
Let it go
At the end of it all, all you can do is simply let it go. Accept that he is a man and accept that this is your reality. But, remember all the tips you read above! If you keep these in mind, it can really change your mindset and your attitude.
Now, go watch Magic Mike and realize just how innocent looking truly is.