Assuming The Worst
Always assuming the worst in your relationship can be absolutely detrimental. Those who always assume the worst generally…
- Suffer from a form of depression or anxiety disorder (Read 5 Things Your Anxious and/or depressed Partner Needs You To Know)
- Tend to start arguments very often over minuscule things
- Suffer from trust issues
- Have suffered emotional, sexual, or physical abuse in the past
- Have been with an unfaithful partner(s)
These are just a few generalized characteristics of those who assume the worst in their relationships, friendships, workplace, or life in general. Assuming the worst case scenario is a daunting mindset to have and when it comes to your love life, it can be exhausting for both you and your partner.
Assuming The Worst VS Reality
- Assuming the worst: Your boyfriend didn’t call on his break at work today like he usually does so he must be seeing a coworker!
- Reality: His meeting with his boss took much longer than planned and he had to rush to eat and get back to work right away.
- Assuming the worst: Your girlfriend cancelled your dinner plans for tonight so she must not be interested anymore.
- Reality: Her dad is out of the country for work and her mom really needed some help prepping for his surprise welcome home party that she’s having tomorrow night. (Read 8 Things Your Woman Truly Needs)
- Assuming the worst: Your boyfriend has been in a terrible mood the past couple of days so you MUST have done something wrong!
- Reality: He’s arguing with his brother, his boss has been riding him like crazy, and his stressful parents are coming into town this weekend so he just has a lot on his mind right now.
- Assuming the worst: You saw a guy’s name pop up on your girlfriend’s phone while it was on the table. She’s seeing someone! (Read 7 Ways To Fight Relationship Insecurities)
- Reality: Jared is a coworker who was texting to ask for another coworker’s number because he had a question about their latest project.
There are so many situations that arise that COULD potentially look bad and that will make your mind race and force you to assume that your relationship must be failing, he must be cheating on you, or she just doesn’t love you anymore, when in reality… it didn’t mean anything.
Here are 7 ways to break the dangerous habit of always assuming the worst…
Slow down and breathe
When you assume the worst you usually allow yourself to believe the first negative story that pops into your head. Instead of letting your mind race, just STOP! Close your eyes, take deep breaths, and think rationally.
Stop trying to read his/her mind
You’re not a mind reader, so don’t act like one. He called twenty minutes later than he said he would… he must have been trying to convince himself that he even wanted to call because he just doesn’t love me anymore! Think about it; did he actually tell you using words that he didn’t love you anymore? No, so calm down. He just got busy.
Focus on the facts
Focus on what is happening around you. Focus on the hard evidence. By using things that you know and that you can prove are true, it’ll be much easier to come up with a more positive solution.
Don’t focus on the past
Bringing your past into your current relationship will only cause pain for the both of you. Just because your ex cheated with a coworker and your current boyfriend is running late from work doesn’t mean that he’s doing the same thing your ex did. It means he’s either chatting with a coworker (platonically), his boss held him up, he had more work to do, or traffic is terrible today. Don’t let your past convince you otherwise.
Don’t create a problem that doesn’t exist
You’ve never caught your boyfriend in a lie before, but all of a sudden you’re assuming the worst so you accuse him of lying to you for your entire two year relationship. If lying was never a problem in your relationship, don’t make into one unless you have hard evidence of his dishonesty.
Assume the best
This is one of the best things you can possibly do. Train your brain to think positively instead of negatively. When you come to a situation where you naturally want to assume the worst, tell yourself the best story you can possibly think. If he’s running late from work instead of assuming that it’s because he’s cheating, assume he stopped on his way home to surprise you with flowers or your favorite take-out. Realistically, traffic is probably just bad, but by thinking positively it’ll leave you in a better mood for when he gets home. He’ll feel more comfortable telling you about his day if he’s not being accused of something he didn’t do.
Trust your partner
Most importantly, simply trust your partner. If you work on creating solid trust in your relationship, eventually you won’t have to assume anything at all. You’ll just be reassured knowing that you’ll know the truth soon enough. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Trust is key.