Overthinking can be a crippling habit, especially for your relationship. Constantly running “what ifs” through your head, losing sleep over something he said a month ago, wondering why he got out of work twenty minutes ago and still hasn’t called yet. That leads to worrying that something happened to him, or maybe he’s lying… Is he cheating? Who could he be with? What could he possibly be doing?? Thoughts like this will send you spiraling out of control and that never puts your relationship in a good place.
By constantly overanalyzing and overthinking, you’re mentally exhausting yourself. You can’t function properly and be the person your partner needs if you can’t learn to just sit back and relax. By constantly assuming the worst, you’re just leading your relationship down the rabbit hole. If you can’t seem to quit wondering, at least focus on not assuming the worst. So, it’s been twenty minutes since the end of his shift and he hasn’t called… Have you considered that maybe he got caught up with extra work and hasn’t even left yet? Maybe he’s chatting with a coworker or his boss had to go over a few things with him. Maybe traffic is too bad to be on the phone right now and he plans to call when he gets home. There are a million other possibilities for why he may not have called yet. Quit assuming it’s because he’s doing something behind your back!
If any of this sounds familiar, keep reading below for more signs that you may be overthinking your relationship!
You replay conversations or events over and over again in your head
It doesn’t matter if it happened last night or a year ago. If it had any ounce of significance for you, this conversation or event probably still crosses your mind, especially the bad ones. Over-thinkers tend to focus on the negative and fixate on it as if thinking about it long enough might magically make it disappear, but that’s not the case. Stop replaying the negative. Do what you can to fix the situation, and then move on.
You analyze conversations to find the “true meaning”
So maybe Friday night is your usual date night with your boyfriend, but he called when he was leaving work and asked if you minded postponing until Saturday night because after the week he’s had at work, he’s far too exhausted to spend the evening out. A “normal” person would just shrug and say “sure!” An over-thinker would analyze that statement for the rest of the night and immediately assume that he must be seeing someone else or he’s not tired, but he’s just losing interest and doesn’t want to see you. An over-thinker takes things like this extremely personally.
Now, what he REALLY meant is that he’s freaking exhausted and just needs to get some sleep instead of going out tonight! Believe what your partner is telling you instead of reading into every word.
You have trouble trusting your partner
Similar to my previous point, most over-thinkers have a lot of difficulty trusting their partners. They put crazy things in their own minds and assume the worst like dishonesty or infidelity. Overthinking can make you create some really wild and crazy stories in your mind that realistically don’t even add up, but you’re so dead set on not trusting your partner, you believe the crazy stories anyway.
Stop creating scenarios in your head. Look at the facts in front of you and remember that one of the reasons you probably chose your partner is because he or she is a good person. Trust in yourself and in them and let the rest be.
You constantly worry about the future
Over-thinkers will worry about what’s going to happen 5 years from now and they’ll worry about tomorrow. We never know what the future holds, so therefore, an over-thinker will focus on creating the future (usually negative) in their own minds. For an over-thinker, even negative events are easier to anticipate than the unknown.
You get jealous easily
A “normal” girlfriend will see her boyfriend talking to a female and assume it’s an old friend. An over-thinker will see her boyfriend talking to a female and immediately let her jealousy take control and assume he must be interested her, if they talk often, and how well he really knows her. She’ll get upset that another woman is taking just seconds of his time away from her. Once again, you’re assuming the worst! This is where your trust needs to come into play. Just relax. (Read 7 Ways to Keep Your Jealousy in Check)
You can never seem to just relax
Whether your man is at work, at home, or out with the guys, if you’re not in contact at that very moment, you just can’t seem to relax your nerves. You’re not 100% sure what he’s doing at the moment and for an over-thinker, this is terrifying. You’re assuming the worst possible scenario; he hasn’t responded to your text because he’s flirting with a sexy coworker, he’s out later with the guys than usual because he must have met a woman at the bar, he’s not answering his phone at home because he just doesn’t want to deal with you.
Remember to change your mindset; he hasn’t responded to your text at work because he’s in a meeting, with a client, or his boss is in the room. He’s out later with the guys because they lost track of time or spent more time playing Xbox than usual (maybe that game got intense). And he hasn’t answered your phone call at home because he’s in the shower or sleeping.
Learn to breath, relax, and QUIT ASSUMING THE WORST!