Forgiveness is one of the most difficult feelings to accept. It can be scary to forgive someone after they’ve made a hurtful mistake, but by doing so, you’re proving your strength. When you’re in a relationship, you’re going to hurt your partner and your partner is going to hurt you. There is absolutely no way around it. We are all human and we all make mistakes, even with the people we love the most.
When your partner does or says something that is inconsiderate and hurtful, forgiveness can be difficult to give, especially if you’re fearful that this mistake may happen again, but it’s so important to remember that forgiveness is not about your partner. Forgiveness is about YOU. By forgiving your partner, you’re not accepting their actions or behavior, and you’re certainly not justifying what they’ve done to hurt you, but you’re allowing yourself to move on from the mistake, and live in peace. If you never forgive, you will only build mistrust and hatred in your own heart and ultimately, that’ll just end up hurting you more than anyone else. So give the tips below a try and let forgiveness take over.
Express your hurt & anger
When your partner hurts you, it’s perfectly okay and healthy to express your anger and your hurt. Tell them how they hurt you and exactly how that made you feel. This is just something that your partner will have to listen to and accept before either of you can move on and you need to accept your own feelings and reality before deciding that you can move on.
Trust your partner
One of the most difficult things to do, besides forgive after your partner hurts you, is to trust, but it is necessary. After having an honest and open conversation about the situation, agree to have faith in your partner and trust them completely, for the sake of your relationship and your own well-being.
Accept their flaws
There are some things that your partner will never, ever change. For example, I’ve been upset with my boyfriend multiple times for forgetting very important things. Not only is he forgetful like most men, but he also legitimately has a very bad memory that actually really concerns him. He worries that it’s a bad sign about the future and that it will only worsen with age and it’s a scary thought for him. I’ve had to learn to sympathize with him and accept his bad memory because he does try very hard. This is a quality that I understand he will always have and while it’s very frustrating for me, it’s something I’ve had to accept, even if it can be hurtful at times.
Recognize if the mistake was purposeful or an honest accident
When your partner says or does something to intentionally hurt you, that is dangerous water, but accidents happen, and they will happen over and over again. Hurting your partner is inevitable because we’re all human, so it’s important to keep in mind that mistakes will happen on both sides. As long as the act didn’t have malicious intent, you should be able to forgive and move on.
Put yourself in their shoes
Empathy can change the game of your relationship. Empathizing with your partner and learning to see things from their point of view can give you both a clear perspective on the relationship. If your partner does or says something that you’re having trouble forgiving, put yourself in their shoes. Don’t change any aspect of the situation or make any excuses. Be realistic and honest with yourself. Could you have made that same mistake? It can be easier to forgive when you put yourself in that position and realize that the mistake was more understandable than you realize.
Leave the past in the past
If you decide to forgive your partner, don’t bring up the same situation during every argument you have for the next five years. Either forgive them and drop the issue, or choose to move on from the relationship. You have no right to continuously slam your partner for a mistake they made that you forgave them for. Once you choose to forgive them, drop it.
Move on, if necessary
Cheating is probably the best example for a case like this. Many, many relationships have been able to overcome cheating and move on to become happy and healthy once again, but if you find yourself in a situation that you just simply can’t let go of, you may need to make the choice to move on and leave the relationship in the past. Even if you do choose to leave the relationship, allow yourself to forgive the person who hurt you so you can live in peace in your future relationships.
Are you a forgiving person? How do you handle forgiveness in your relationship?