Relationship insecurities are very common, yet very damaging. A lot of times they stem from low self-confidence from past relationships or maybe a dramatic childhood. The possibilities of why they occur are endless and unique to each individual, but regardless of the reason, it’s important to put a stop to them ASAP if you want a successful relationship, so here are 7 methods to try…
Learn to trust your partner
You hear it all the time; relationships are built on trust! If you don’t have a reason not to trust your partner, but you still struggle, you’re insecure in your relationship. This could be due to low self-confidence, being cheated on by an ex, or severe anxiety. The possibilities are endless, but regardless of what your specific reason may be, it’s necessary to trust your partner, even if the evil little voice in your head is telling you otherwise, unless of course, you have a good reason. In that case, this post isn’t for you.
Work on your self-confidence
Confidence is one of the sexiest attributes in both a man and a woman, plus building your confidence will teach you to respect and value yourself. When those insecurities like “I’m not pretty enough for him,” or “she’s way too smart for me,” start to creep back up, your self-confidence will kick back in and take over! Remind yourself that you’re loved, valued, and worthy. It’ll help you become a better person for you and your partner and it’ll take stress off of both of you.
Discuss your insecurities with your partner
It’s important to communicate with your partner about your insecurities. Are you a little too possessive because your ex-boyfriend cheated on you with a female friend? If your current boyfriend has no idea, he’ll be frustrated and confused about why you’re so upset about his female friend coming over to chat when you run into her and her boyfriend at a restaurant. This will only lead to unnecessary arguing and it’ll end up damaging the relationship in the long run.
Sit down and explain your insecurities (even if they’re irrational, because that does happen…) to your partner. By explaining your past, he’ll be much more likely to understand and sympathize with your insecurities, therefore, he’ll be more sensitive to them and help you to move past them.
Find the root of the problem
Like I mentioned, there are so many possibilities for why one could feel insecure in a relationship. It’s important to do some soul searching and really try to figure out where yours come from. By unveiling the root of the problem, you can begin building from there and don’t think you have to do it all on your own. Like I said, tell your partner and he or she should be more than happy to help you out along the way.
Remove your expectations
Removing your expectations DOES NOT mean lower your standards. Expectations and standards are two very different things. A standard is not allowing yourself to be in a relationship with someone who disrespects you, for example, but an expectation is thinking that you and your partner will never, ever fight, raise your voices at each other, or dislike each other at any point. You are going to fight and argue; every couple does, but it should remain respectful on both ends. By having ridiculous expectations, you’re setting yourself up to be let down, therefore, creating even more relationship insecurities. For example, just because you argue and he needs a couple hours to clear his head, does NOT mean that he doesn’t love you or that he wants to end the relationship, that’s just your insecurities getting inside your head.
Maintain your independence
If you just live to be around your partner 24/7, your relationship is going to suffocate. If you’re a little insecure about your relationship, pick up an old hobby, go out with your own friends, have dinner with your family, or just watch a movie by yourself. If you have a positive outlook about who you are as an individual, you’ll be a lot more confident about how you can benefit your relationship. Remember, you must love yourself before you can love another.
Learn to reassure yourself
This is a big one and one I struggle with in my own relationship. (You’re not alone, I promise.) I had to learn to start relying on myself when I was feeling insecure, instead of always running to my boyfriend for instant reassurance. He has absolutely no issue with reassuring me; he is very understanding and sensitive to my insecurities and where they come from, but he can’t always be around. He has a full-time job, lots of friends, and a large family to focus on as well. While I am a top priority, he maintains a life outside of the relationship, as he should.
He understands that learning to reassure myself is a big goal that I have for myself, so when he can tell that I am feeling insecure about something and he asks, he knows he might get “I’m working through it on my own. We can discuss it later,” and he respects that. It feels good to work through an insecurity on my own, but my boyfriend and I have agreed that I’ll always communicate about it later on because he truly does care and wants to know how I’m feeling.
Are you or have you ever been insecure in a relationship? How did you overcome your insecurity?